Drastic Measures

So I’ve decided to try something different. For the better part of the year, I’ve been trying to get into better shape. Overall, I’ve probably done well. However it would be 5 small steps forward, followed by 2 enormous steps back. End result being a break even.

Therefore, for the next 30+ (until Thanksgiving, if I can make it that far) days I’m going to watch everything I eat – and no drinking.

I’m going to try to blog more frequently throughout this process, so I’m interested to see how it goes.

Willpower hasn’t exactly been a strength over the last few years, so this will prove to be a bit of a challenge. But I’m hopeful that this will be a good thing, and maybe teach me something through the process…we’ll see

In Limbo

I moved to Northern California earlier this year.  Though staying in my current job wasn’t an interesting prospect for me at the time, the opportunity to move west was a pretty good deal.  At best I thought it might be a job that I liked more because of the autonomy, and the opportunities it had to offer.  At worst the company paid for me to move, and I would continue to get paid while I prepared to find another gig / prepare for Grad School.  I figured it would put some plans on hold for a few years, which was agreed upon length of the term.

Then the economy finally hit home, as the customer I was going to be supporting announced they would soon be closing.  Had this happened a month earlier, the plug would have been pulled and I wouldn’t be here.  So in that regard, at least I’ve been fortunate enough to have moved out here.  That said, I don’t really know what 2010 has in store for me.

Over the last few months I’ve been fairly proactive with finding potential options for next year, but nothing solid yet.  By mid/Nov. I should know if my plan A (more on that in future posts) will work out.  If that does, I’ll have a ton of things to sort out in a few months.  Plan A would begin in Mid/January, and though it would be in NoCal.  It would involve breaking a lease & figuring out how that will work with the roommate, quitting my job, and moving across the state.  There are a bunch of $$ related issues as well, as I’d be leaving a good job in terms of salary for a glorified volunteer position.

If plan A doesn’t go down, I need to scramble to get grad school applications in, or look for another job.  I can also just stick with the current job until they ask me to move back, which will probably be next spring some time.  Moving back to the midwest is pretty much a non-option at this point though – i’m just not interesting in taking a step backwards right now.

So over the last month, and the next 6 weeks, I’ve been stuck in a weird place.  I’ve had a lot of time on my hands, and it’s been a 50/50 split with either making the most of it, or totally spinning my wheels.  Add in a friend moving away and my family’s dog dying after being with us for the last 12 years – and it’s been kind of tough.  A lot of it is on me, as I really haven’t made the effort to get out and meet people like I should.  Now I’m questioning if it’s even worth it, since I probably won’t be here much longer than the next half year.  It’s kind of sad to look at it like that though, as living in the moment seems to be an ongoing problem for me.  There are a dozen of bad cliches to insert here, but there’s a certain amount of wanderlust that seems to dominate my psyche.

Anyway, I head ‘home’ on business this week.  It will be good for me, as I’ll have a chance to see the family, and friends over the weekend.  I think being grounded will do me some good about now.

mata kondo…

Been too long

It’s been a while since I’ve last wrote, and a lot has happened. I’m not sure if that’s why I haven’t wrote – it’s actually something I’m conflicted with. I feel like I should write more when things are happening, but it doesn’t seem natural to me yet. Blogging seems like a burden of sorts, yet I do want to become a better writer

One thing I do know, is that I shouldn’t be writing right now.

It’s been a weird day. I was out very late last night with a good friend who will soon be leaving. It was fun, but it was also one of those nights that people share when they are near the end of something. So it’s a melancholy affair to some degree. Regardless, it’s tough to beat drinking boat drinks on haight/ashbury in a bar blasting pantera.

Today was shaping up to be a great day. I was seeing a girl that I was pretty stoked to be seeing, but she canceled on me late. It initially hit me like a punch to the stomach, as I thought things had been going well. Then again, not much has happened to this point – so it was a question mark at best. Looking at it now, it’s no big thing. I’ll see her again, and this has actually given some new perspective on how I feel about her / relationships in general. I really don’t know what I’m looking for at this point – so I’m kicking myself for getting to focused on a girl I barely know. In the end, I suppose this has been a good thing.

From a work/career standpoint, it looks like my gig out here might not last. The recession has finally hit home with me, and as a result my position out here may no longer be necessary. It’s a matter of time at this point. For the most part, this is actually a good thing. I don’t like my job, and this provides a fairly smooth exit plan from it. The problem is the next step in the plan, as I’m still struggling with what direction I want to take professionally. Mountain guide in Patagonia? Entrepreneur resort owner in Costa Rica? Corporate drone in some random office job that pays well? Grad student?

I don’t know.

Really. I have no idea.

This is my current struggle…

So…..for now, the positive is that I have at least 3-9 months to figure this out. The options are there, it’s just a matter of picking the path.

From a personal standpoint, it’s the same deal. I just need to figure out where I’m at. Easier said than done though, as I’ve been fighting these battles for 7+ years now.

Grammar aside, maybe I should post under the influence more…this felt good

It was a pretty dope weekend

I’m not a huge fan of these running commentary posts, but sometimes they have their place.  If anything, just as a recount for what happened…

Heading into the weekend was kind of rough.  I just couldn’t get into a groove, and was more frustrated with work than normal.  So as Thursday afternoon rolled around, I was ready for the long wknd.

It got off to a good start having a nice meal & wine with my friend and his girlfriend.  Since he was heading out of town for the weekend, it was good to catch up with him in advance.  Especially since I’m still in the “trying to meet people because I don’t know anyone out here” phase.  After that I went to a bar/club to catch a band, and meet up with a girl I had met a few days earlier.  It was kind of cool going that route, as it wasn’t as awkward as typical first dates can sometimes be.  But at the same time, I’m not sure if she’s really into me or not.  We met at a concert where we were both under various influences.  The next time I saw her was amongst some of her friends, and while things went well – there were mixed signals.  I’m not really looking to jump headfirst into a relationship at this point, so it’s cool.  But after a handful of meetings, I’m kind of liking her.  Let’s hope I don’t screw it up.

Friday found me sleeping in more than I should have, as I needed to get to Big Sur as early as possible to find a campsite.  That didn’t happen, and I ended up sleeping in my car.  I’m not sure if I’m 28, or 17…oh well.  Big Sur was the destination for a music festival & some backcountry activity.  After meandering around the area, I found a backcountry site that was an hour drive, and a hour hike from the show.  Stupidly, I set up shop there and made my way to the show.  Like always, I enjoyed a drink or seven at the show, and was in no condition to (1) drive or (2) hike an hour in the dark.  Therefore I set up shop for the night in the backseat of my rig.  It wasn’t that bad aside from waking up shivering in 40 degree temps.

The show itself was incredible – amazing vibe – like someone’s backyard filled with huge redwood trees.  The band was great.  The food was great.  The beer was great.  The crazy hippies dancing were even kind of great.  Note – after reading the first line or two of this paragraph I figured I should just roll with my terrible grammar.  Done and done.

I rounded out the weekend by checking out the new documentary Food Inc. An interesting review that I heard compared it to the Matrix, instead of other documentaries.  Strangely enough, I found that to make a lot of sense after watching.  In a word, it was horrifying.  Outside of the actual topics on food, I found the connections to business, and capitalism most disturbing.  Big business & for profit companies really have a way of convoluting things.  It’s hard to simplify my take on that into a few sentences, but it really put a lot of big picture ideologies into small, specific examples.  I really enjoyed the film, and it gave me some new motivation with what I want to do with myself.

This isn’t my favorite post…I think I’m bit exhausted from the weekend (and depressed that it’s almost over.)  This week will be busy with a number of things going on, so I’ll try to live in the moment a bit more than I typically do…

To the fatass working out in my gym today…

Dear sir,

It wasn’t the fact that monopolized a piece of equipment for half an hour while squeezing in approx. 3 sets. It wasn’t that you farted, really loud, in the gym. It wasn’t even that you decided it was ok to practice your karaoke with whatever you were rocking on your ipod. It was mostly that you sweated the fuck out of the bench, then left without wiping it down.

Ok – it was all the other stuff too, but seriously…

I appreciate that you’re trying not to look like James Gandolfini after eating a small car, but don’t be so annoying while you’re doing it!

That is all.

Vertical corpses & why god may or may not love me

I just got home from the Grizzly Bear concert @ the Fillmore.  I was kind of stoked for the show…they’re a new-ish band that I kind of like, and it’s the Fillmore!  That place rules.  Unfortunately the show didn’t rule so much.  The opening act was a total snoozefest, and seemingly played the same song over roughly ten times in a row.  It wasn’t my thing.

So GB finally takes the stage…the hipsters go craz…er…stand there and look uninterested.  Strangely enough, this didn’t change.  Boring music, boring crowd.  I go to a lot of concerts, and generally open to a lot of different styles / sounds /etc.  But when it’s boring, it’s boring.  I’m ok with dark music, i’m ok with depressing music, whatever – radiohead is my favorite band – so it’s not a matter of tempo or levity.  But when it comes to live music, there’s supposed to be some semblance of an edge – or something differentiating it from the studio.  Not so much here.  Oh well, it was something to do on a Monday.

The mountain man taxi-driver that drove me hope managed to (1) talk down about the neighborhood that I live in, (2) attempt to persuade me politically, and (3) offer me a “very important” pamphlet titled “does god love you?”

I’m not sure if he does.  I’m also not sure if it’s better to shred it, or simply throw it away.  At least I tipped him…

Some days it’s about what doesn’t happen

Pressure is the wrong word, but I’ve been feeling something with this move.  It’s almost like guilt, like I should be making the most of every minute of every day being in a new place.  That’s extreme, but it’s something along those lines.  Working from home kind of amplifies the feeling, since I can basically decide my hours. It’s too easy to roll out of bed and into work.  Before I know it I’m stressing about something totally stupid.

So on a day like today, which was built on a bunch of little stuff, it was kind of cool to just let things play out & enjoy the moments.

-A walk around AT&T park & the pier
-basketball @ lunch
-talking to my HS friend about the 10 year reunion
-sorting out some weekend plans over coffee @ a local cafe
-and some work mixed in around all that.

Normally my day would have included some more manly activities like digging ditches and fighting fires but I’ve been kind of sick and feel like I have no energy.

I guess it’s all part of settling into a new place – but it’s almost like anything…if you try to hard nothing happens.  Once you just forget about it and be yourself, things open up.

Tomorrow I start looking for a roommate.  It’s been about 5 years since I’ve lived with another human, so stay tuned.

Also, I find blog posts without pictures to be less interesting.  So even though I have no relevant pictures to post – I’m just going to throw random pic’s up there.

Coolest bottle of booze ever.

It’s interesting how things counteract each other

I had a shitty day at work.  Making things worse, it was shitty for incredibly stupid reasons.  Without going into it – I have a pretty good job as most people would view it, but I find it incredibly uninspiring and boring for the most part.  Today was one of those days where all the inconsequential work piles up in a bad way.

Yeah, so having a bad day at work is hardly newsworthy – but for whatever reason I couldn’t shake it.  So I bitched to my friends, wandered around the city for a while, and bought a bunch of beer to finish my night off with.

After a quick dinner, a few drinks, and a half hour of bad guitar playing, I decided to check out A Map for Saturday, the backpacking documentary by some dude who I totally identify with.  I found the realness of it to be very inspiring, and related to a lot of what was covered in the film.  Being in Japan on a 18 month assignment was certainly different than a bare-bones backpacking trip, but a lot of the experiences were very similar.  At the end of the film when the director/traveller was reflecting on a 2.5 year mark from an interview he’d given prior to his travels things totally hit home with me.  2.5 years ago I was in my first week in Japan.  Since that time I lived there, moved home, and recently relocated to San Francisco.  Each transition resulted in the same feelings each time.  It’s hard to quantify that, but I’ve been blown away at some of the deja vu I’ve felt over the last few years.

So to bring this all together – a shitty day @ work + a great film on travel = a renewed focus on what I think I should do with myself. I like to make things more complicated than they should be, so I’m trying to simplify…and here goes.

-live my life in SF like an expat, or backpacker – value each day, and be as open and outgoing to new things as I can be

-Be more active physically – it’s never a bad idea to be in kickass shape

-Write / Blog more.  I love writing, and the outlet it provides.  But I also feel like I’m terrible at it – so I need to get better.

-Get a graduate degree while I’m here – as a means of changing careers, and setting myself up for what’s next

-Learn enough spanish to get by.  I’m not really cut out for language fluency – my Japanese was sufficient, but I always hated studying it.  I feel like this is just how it’s going to be when it comes to language, but at least getting to a 2nd grade level seems to be doable.

So these are the things I need to do in the 30 months or so that I’m signed on for in SF.  Now if I can conquer the fact that I know I’m really great at planning all these things – but awful at executing them….

Anyway…

It’s my blog, and it’s gonna be naked

So it’s been a few weeks since I’ve settled into my place here in SF.  Also, I like how I’ve already started with a grammatically poor sentence – that definitely won’t be the last…

Anyway, since I’m totally new to the city I’ve made it a point to get out and do something every day.  Maybe not even every day – but the idea is to do/see/eat/drink/whatever something new.  More importantly – just get out.  Since I’m working from home, it’s kind of important to not let the walls close in on me.

It’s already been a fun weekend.  I drove to Santa Cruz on Friday night to check out the Mother Hips, a band I’ve liked for several years.  They don’t play much outside California, so it was the first I’ve been able to check ‘em out.  Pretty cool show, and Santa Cruz is a pretty interesting place.  Most hippies per-capita that I’ve ever seen – including a procession of Tibetan monk-like type people through the downtown.  Nothing screams anti-establishment like imitating those from an exiled government 7000 miles away.

This all brings me to the subject of this post.  No, dear reader, I’m not the one rocking the nudeness…but it was something I was unfortunately subjected to.  During my wanderings around SF I decided to stop off at a cool looking beach near the Presidio.  It had a short hike down to the beach, and looked like an awesome setting – including some really great viewing angles of the Golden Gate Bridge.  It also included a lot of naked people.  We’re not talking Greece or Spain full of beautiful people, but more of a “imagine if everyone at a Nascar race was naked” kind of scene.  A quick google search tells me that this place is quite well known – so caveat emptor.  It’s things like that make new places so interesting I guess.

The day was not a total loss, however, as the yakitori Japanese restaurant (Oyaji) proved to be legit, and delicious.  It even had beer imported from Japan, not Canada.  Sorry – but Asahi super dry brewed in a Molson brewery just doesn’t cut it.

Also, here are a few completely unrelated posts from my day.  This will also probably be a theme.

It’s only a blog, yet I’m already behind

Subject says it all. This post probably won’t make the cut – but I had to at least get something out there. It’s been a week since I left “home” and a day since I moved in to my apt. in San Francisco. More on the trip later, but it’s been quite a ride.

I spent the bulk of today wandering around the city in search of acclimation and interesting random things – and feel like I accomplished both. Stumbling onto the carnival festival in the mission was interesting, as was the trek around potrero hill.

Anyway, I’m not going to try to legitimize this post as an actual entry – so I’ll leave it at that.